Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
