I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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