ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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