he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
