batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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