so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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