i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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