hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
