Ambien. No doubt about it.
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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