His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
i think i just lost a toe
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
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