Where did you get a picture of my penis
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize