I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Randomize
