Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Randomize
