I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
