Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
