We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
You're earring is so big in my mouth
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
