the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Randomize