in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
