Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
