DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I have feelings that need drinking.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
