All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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