my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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