apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
i would one night stand the shit outta him
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
