Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
