What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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