Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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