You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
