she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
