is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
