Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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