Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Randomize
