Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize