It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
