Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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