Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
