That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
