well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
