i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
