god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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