you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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