just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
