I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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