So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I'm having to shit out rocks
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