does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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