non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
