After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
