Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
