I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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