So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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