Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
