I didn't shave. On purpose
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
