i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Randomize
