Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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