i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Randomize
