Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Rumble strips road head = magical
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
