Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Randomize
