sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
