Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
