i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
