I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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