My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Randomize
