I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Randomize
