If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize