So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Randomize
