hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
