I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Randomize