then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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