We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize